Releasing the Notes

A lot of my musical taste can be traced back to one of my brothers. I looked up to him a lot, and as part of that, I adopted a lot of his musical preferences. It was one way that we really bonded over the years, as we would attend concerts together, and after the concerts we would get some Del Taco and talk.

He would also get these DVDs of bands, kind of like sampler mixes, where a record label would try to highlight their bands by throwing together a bunch of music videos. On one of those samplers was a video that I really enjoyed, it was a band that I didn’t listen to much, but the song was catchy, and the video was fun.

My favorite parts of the video are the parts where it plays in reverse. I love the way the guitarist’s afro bounces backwards, the way the drummer’s sticks move in reverse, and that they always had something happen between each ‘reverse’ to really highlight the backwards movement of the video. Plus, I want a shirt like the drummer’s, that is a beautiful shirt!

This song popped up again for me while listening to a Spotify radio station. It is intriguing how strongly a song can bring in the nostalgia, but this time was different. It not only brought back those memories, it also connected some ideas I had been pondering.

The song’s title/chorus presents an interesting idea, that of being “chained free”. It meshed with my reflections on some time I spent at our last home, which is currently up for sale, after the rest of my family had moved out. I was just finishing up some projects to get the house looking nice for the listing pictures, and spent a little over a week mostly alone.

In theory, it sounded really nice. I like solitude a lot, since I don’t have to mask when nobody else is around. It is usually a pretty relaxing experience for me. However, I also love connecting with people, and spending that much time alone became difficult. I had a friend come over to help with some plumbing, neighbors who I could chat with outside, and the rest of the family did come up over the weekend, so I wasn’t completely isolated. I also had enough friends there that I could reach out to at any point, so the loneliness was my fault.

It did cause me to reflect on the ways I was “chained free”, though. Another way that I like to put it comes from a book my therapist had me read, called Bonds that Make Us Free.

The main idea is that certain relationships, or bonds, or chains, that we have actually create a freedom. My bonds to my family, which were stretched during a prolonged absence from them, make me feel whole. During the time they were away I struggled with my mental health more than usual.

Yes, those relationships come with a lot of expectations, but they also come with a feeling of purpose and freedom. I sometimes joke that I am more of a butler to our boys at times, fetching things for them constantly, putting on movies, driving them to different places, and meeting a list of demands they make on me. Luckily, the girls have grown to be more self-sufficient, so I don’t have to do that as much for them anymore, but they had their times where I was in their service just as much as I am for the youngest now. It can be exhausting at times, especially at bedtime when they are fighting the end of day.

But those relationships with my wife and kids are the most important thing to me. I am foremost a husband and father before I am anything else, and I have purposefully organized my life that way.

Thinking of those relationships as chains or bonds is an interesting lens to view them through. Chains and bonds both lend themselves to themes of servitude or incarceration, but that is only one use of them. Just like anything in our lives (emphasis on anything, not anyone), they are tools that can be used in many ways. While the appearance is different, a dog-leash is also a bond that connects a person to their pet. That is done in an effort to prevent the owner and the pet from being separated.

In that vein, it has been interesting to view other chains that I have in my life.

At one point I was tied to education, and the bond there was not a happy one. I did my best for the kids, and loved those relationships, but taken as a whole, that relationship felt less like a tether and more like a weight. I eventually felt the need to break that bond.

Now I write for a living. This can also be difficult, since the money is sporadic and I can put a lot of work into something that doesn’t end up earning anything at all. I love writing, it is a profession I have really enjoyed, and I intend to keep this bond in my life. I just need more time to get enough successes that things become more stable financially.

I am chained to my spiritual beliefs. Religion and spirituality has always played a major role in my life, and I have found a great sense of purpose through this connection. It has led to some of the deepest relationships I have had, and was where I met my wife, which is my deepest connection.

There are many different bonds I have, and it is time I evaluate some of them.

In a recent church meeting, a man was talking about some recent professional training he had, where they spoke about starting with a purpose statement. He had the opportunity to make his own professional purpose, and it helped him make decisions, since he was able to align his choices with his purpose.

Conversely, I have sat in meetings where we were asked to create a purpose statement for the whole school, and the meeting went for week after week with no real progress.

I think it is because the purpose is supposed to be there in the beginning. I have referenced this book before, but Start With Why is a great jumping point for creating your own purpose. It also connotes that we are supposed to start with our why, not try to force a mission statement to fit what we are already doing.

I have worked on personal mission statements in the past, to varying degrees of completion, but never actually created one I could really get behind. At this point in my life, with the change in profession, the move to a new home, and the soon-to-begin attempt at being more self-sufficient through a homesteading-ish lifestyle, this would be a perfect time to create that statement. It is at a beginning, and if I do it well, maybe I can make this new venture successful.

In the beginning of A Christmas Carol by Dickens, we meet Marley, who is a ghost weighted down by chains. The chains he chose throughout his life were not the ones that freed him, but the ones that would imprison him through eternity.

A personal mission statement, or purpose, is really just a list of the chains we plan to prioritize. It is important for me to choose the chains that will bind me to the places I want to be, not keep me from them.

So, even though it is not New Years yet, here is to new beginnings-

To the opportunity to course correct,

the opportunity to choose my bonds,

The opportunity to find my purpose,

To find the things that

chain me free.